How To Smuggle Cigarettes Across the Romania/Ukraine Border

1. Be an innocent looking old lady, in traditional Romanian dress, complete with scarf over your hair (although it is quite possible that the border guards are on to this disguise, don't let that stop you)

2. Get on train in Sighet, Romania. Do not bother buying a ticket.

3. When ticket collector comes by, give him half the regular fare. Do not bother being inconspicuous about this.

4. Wait on train for Romanian immigration officials to take their sweet time to stamp exit stamps on passports.

5. When train arrives in Ukraine, make your way to the door in order to be the first one out.

6. As soon as door opens, jump off train and sprint towards the small open gate (step 1 of this list should not stop you from doing this).

7. Crowd and push around the gate in order to get to the front where the Ukranian border guard in randomly handing out immigration cards to be filled out. Grab one, get back away from the gate, and fill it out as fast as possible.

8. Go back towards the gate, where guard will let you in a few at a time. (be sure to push and shove, it will get you through faster)

9. Wait in line again, show passport to the official, get stamp, and proceed to searhing room. Guards may ask to look into your bags, or ask how much money you are carrying (at this point, if possible, it would help to be a confused looking Canadian. It may lead to some laughs and smiles, and a pat on the back from the guards).

10. Arrive in Teresva, Ukraine, where the large market is right next to the border.

11. Find your local connection at the market, who will gladly sell you very cheap cigarettes at greatly reduced rates. Buy as many as you can.

12. Make sure to buy other things as well, this will make you not look as suspicious when coming back into Romania. All household goods are available, as well as groceries, clothes, and anything else you can think of. I recommend the raw meat sitting on tables in the sun (the flies seem to like it, so it must be good), particularly the pig heads (go for one that's smiling).

13. When the time comes to head back, proceed to train station.

14. Again, proceed through Ukrainian immigration. Do not worry about this one, they don't care what you have.

15. Get back on train. As it is at the station, and as it crosses the river back into Romania, be sure to start hiding your cigarettes. There are strict limits on how many you are allowed to bring back, so hide the throughout all the things you have bought during the day. Then proceed to shove them down your pants, shirt, and anywhere else you can think of. Tip: elastic clothes will make sure that stay where you want them to. Your bra strap is good for that. Just be sure to wear baggy clothes over top of that layer.

16. When Romanian officials come on board, give your passport to be stamped. Do not worry yet, these ones aren't looking for your cigarettes.

17. Wait around nervously as other carriages begin to be searched. If possible, get a little kid to wander around to see which border guard is on duty today.

18. Switch seats with a couple of Canadians. (we are not sure why, but give it a try, even if it's just bfor fun)

19. Have a border guard come and start going through your bags. She may yell at you to go open things up for her, but you can yell back.

20. Once train starts to go again, look out the window, and smile and wave at all the poor people who got caught. Be glad that your not one of them.

21. Sell cigarettes on the streets in Romania.

22. PROFIT!!!

23. Rinse. Repeat.

24. Wipe hands on pants.